Leadership at Gunpoint

How Crisis Reveals True Leadership

Between meetings, my phone rang. It was my daughter. Her voice was a whisper.

“Mom, we’re in lockdown. We’re hiding behind the kitchen counters. Kids are crying and shaking. I think we’ll be okay, but I’m scared.”

At first, I was calm and lighthearted. “I’m sure it’s just a drill or a misunderstanding. You guys will be fine,” I reassured her.

“I’ve been telling everyone that. But the teachers look and sound scared too. One of my friends just got us to record what we were wearing in case our bodies are too mangled to identify.”

Shit. Heavy.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m okay. I’m just trying to stay calm. I’m comforting my friends who are crying and hyperventilating, telling them it’s probably going to be okay.”

I went from lighthearted to triage. “Look around the room—how many exits do you see? Are you close to windows or doors? Position yourself between two exit options. Stay focused. Don’t let your phone or your friends distract you from scanning the room. If you stay calm and alert, you’ll be able to react appropriately if anything happens.”

We discussed her options, the pros and cons of making a run for it or staying put.

I told her I’d come circle the school for more intel.

Before I left, I texted her. If she was still alive tonight, I wouldn’t nag her about cleaning her room.

Panic Escalates the Risk

When I arrived, I saw four cop cars, officers with large rifles, and a growing crowd of anxious parents.

Then, suddenly—screaming and banging. A frantic parent was trying to break into the building, yelling at another parent they thought worked for the school.

“The panic is making it worse,” one mom murmured…

Inside, my daughter and her classmates could hear the screaming and pounding. They thought it was the shooter.

I looked around. I live in a town where many adults carry guns. I wondered—could parent panic turn into an unintended shooting out here?

I forced myself to stay lighthearted, making small talk with the other parents, trying not to fuel the fear. My daughter and I kept texting, but there wasn’t much to say.

After the longest hour ever, we got the all-clear. The gun threat was deemed “not credible when fully investigated.” But the fear had been very real. Nearly 200 parents had gathered by then. Most checked their kids out of school. Many students didn’t go to school the next day.

How My Daughter Led Under Duress

That night, we debriefed. She walked me through the day, and her response:

• I tried to stay calm, reminding myself it was probably going to be fine.
• I encouraged my friends to stay calm too.
• I didn’t cry or freak out—it wouldn’t have helped. Too many people were already freaking out.
• I stayed alert and made a plan in my head, talking through options with you.
• Now I really need to decompress because it took a lot of energy and courage to do all that.

We went out for a very well-deserved ice cream.

The Business Parallel: Leadership in Hard Times

I was so proud of my daughter’s leadership under duress. It got me thinking of the leaders I’ve admired throughout my career.

I’ve seen hard times. I’ve worked for five companies that were acquired. I’ve been through several CEO changes. I’ve endured three major economic downturns and countless rounds of layoffs. One of my first employers made history with as largest bankruptcy of all time due to fraud. It was hard that year to meet my sales quota.

Leadership demands different things in different moments. In good times, it’s about vision, momentum, and growth. In hard times, it’s about resilience, adaptability, and emotional control. Sometimes the two intermix unexpectedly (has your company ever been hacked?)

When businesses face layoffs, restructuring, crisis or existential threats, fear creeps in. What if this implodes? What if we can’t pay the bills? What if we’re stuck in this toxic situation forever? The terror is real.

But in those moments, true leaders emerge. Sometimes high in the hierarchy, sometimes embedded in teams. And they often follow the same playbook my daughter instinctively ran:

• They stay calm.

• They remind people that good things may lie ahead—even if it’s uncertain.

• They focus on what can be done now, staying alert to new information.

• They don’t spiral into negative possibilities.

• They model resilience through their actions.

• They take time to decompress and build energy for endurance.

We saw many of these people emerge in the COVID market shifts, in the recent economic tightness, and might someday again if and when the AI bubble bursts.

Different Mindsets Can Lead to Different Outcomes

Reflecting on hard times, I was reminded of my journey through three consecutive acquisitions: my small company was bought by a medium-sized one, which in turn was bought by Oracle.

At every stage, people around me were negative—first complaining about the new CEO, then badmouthing the new company, often constructing worst-case scenarios for their careers and our department. It wasn’t all roses—there was lot of real fodder. But I was focused on squeezing the most out of each experience, whether things would end well or not. Could we gain new skills and opportunities? How could we make the most of this situation? What if it turned out well?

At first, a new CEO gave me a project I never would have received before. Another time, as people left, I took on new departments. When one company was acquired, I embraced the new parent company with enthusiasm—inventing a new job for myself, building relationships, and traveling globally. When Oracle acquired us, I sold myself into an advertising job with a bigger advertising budget than the *revenue* of the original small company.

Grinding it out in hard times built trust with colleagues who later recruited me to Atlassian, the greatest opportunity of my career.

Many of my most negative, fear-driven colleagues stayed stuck in the same cycle—waiting for bad things to happen and experiencing many of the things they predicted. Others ran away to “greener” pastures but found bad things there too.

There are many times I could have been even more positive or a better leader (I’ve learned so much). But I can also see how living in a parallel positive universe vs my negative and fear-based colleagues gave me access to a different universe of opportunities. Even if we don’t know it’s going to be okay, we can live in that reality —and sometimes, that belief is enough to make it true.

Leadership: Choosing the Person We Want to Be

Life is HARD. Work is HARD. Both demand true leadership under duress. I would never wish hard times on anyone - but the gift of the hard times is the chance to rise to the occasion. My daughter’s response reminds me of who I want to be in the face of crisis. My new post-it to myself:

• Control your emotions. Your response can make things better—or worse.

• Negativity and panic spread fast. So does calm confidence. Choose what to amplify.

• Even when the future is uncertain, act as if things will work out. The mindset can create better outcomes.

• Leadership isn’t about title or authority. It’s about how you show up when things get tough.

It will go next to my other favorite reminder:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is the power to choose.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

- Victor Frankl

Share your stories

💡 What’s the hardest leadership moment you’ve faced? I’d love to hear in the comments.

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Carilu Dietrich is a former CMO, most notably the head of marketing that took Atlassian public. She currently advises CEOs and CMOs of high-growth tech companies. Carilu helps leaders operationalize the chaos of scale, see around corners, and improve marketing and company performance.

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